Could just be a me thing, but I feel its harder to make friends in general. As I get older I have more responsibilities and less time. So now its a battle to keep in touch with the friends I used to have! At least that's how it is for me.
@Mason I agree. The work lifestyle just doesn’t really go well with having close friendships, always different work schedules and events, it’s like you have to become close with your co-workers. Also different life events going on with different friends, marriage, children, single life etc.
Personally I find it very difficult. It's very easy to find people to have fun outside, drinks and do fun activities but when seeking a deeper relationship it's not that easy. I find it very difficult to find people with the same interests and values as mine (it's probably not because of locals). I have only a few good Japanese friends and it took a long time to build the relationship. Just my experience btw.
@urara I agree that it takes a long time and I sometimes wonder if it’s because that’s how friendships are approached here. Most people make their friends in school or uni but when they enter the workplace, it’s just business. Even nomikais are just business to some extent aren’t they? Whereas in my own country, people went out for drinks to get to know colleagues and it brought them closer.
I‘m not a drinker but I have very fond memories of my coworkers back in my own country. I’m still in touch with some of them.
I think it has become much easier for me to make friends as my Japanese skills improved, but it can still be hard to make friends as a working adult. I have a few close friends, and a few coworkers that I hang out with outside of work, and I'm satisfied with that.
I definitely feel like Covid has made it more difficult to meet people though. I used to go to Meetup or international exchange events, but those are all canceled now..
I totally understand. I think the only people I've ever met that wanted to hang out were people wanting to learn English from me. Unfortunately, they were not really true friends and they often would move to another place and we'd lose touch.
@jonobugs I know that feeling. I’d get caught out in the past but since my Japanese is better now, I can avoid those types a bit better. It boggles the mind why it seems perfectly acceptable to “befriend“ (and I say that lightly) someone under the pretense of wanting to practice English. It’s like being considered entertainment
@Jemineye sometimes it is worse than entertainment, it is being treated as a resource. Luckily I have also learnt to avoid such people, or maybe there are fewer around these days.
I know how you feel. I too find it really difficult to make real friends. There are loads of people that know me and will talk with me, but it's never more than superficial. I'm not completely sure why, but I feel that mostly people that I really enjoy their company are simply too busy with work. It's a real work culture here. Every time I suggest doing something they are unable because of work. The other part is my lack of proper Japanese speaking skills. I've tried, but I lost motivation several years ago. I do have one good friend but he is a foreigner like me and we do have time to spend together occasionally. I would suggest picking up an activity that involves people. I play volleyball and although I don't have close friends, most of my regular friends are from there. Good luck with your friend search!
@jonobugs Joining some sort of club is a good idea and I too am part of a dance school. There are a few people there that I like but they’re not the sort of people who you’d hang out with outside of that environment. There is a German-Japanese couple there that seem cool though but everyone else is significantly much older than me. I would love to meet people who I could ”shoot the ****” with and not worry too much about etiquette. Sadly it feels unlikely.
The longer I live here and the older I get, the harder I feel it has become to make Japanese friends. I have two friends who I met while I was in my own country who I am still in contact with today but I find that all the people that I have met during my time in Japan have moved on or we'll fallen out of touch. I'm not particularly girly and I'm no longer the clubbing and drinking type either. I can speak conversational Japanese but I do feel like I have to be careful with what I say because I find the language restricting in some way. It would be nice to make some local friends who are Japanese but I don't know if I feel hopeful.
Could just be a me thing, but I feel its harder to make friends in general. As I get older I have more responsibilities and less time. So now its a battle to keep in touch with the friends I used to have! At least that's how it is for me.
Are there any Christians here? It would be a pleasure to meet you!
Personally I find it very difficult. It's very easy to find people to have fun outside, drinks and do fun activities but when seeking a deeper relationship it's not that easy. I find it very difficult to find people with the same interests and values as mine (it's probably not because of locals). I have only a few good Japanese friends and it took a long time to build the relationship. Just my experience btw.
I think it has become much easier for me to make friends as my Japanese skills improved, but it can still be hard to make friends as a working adult. I have a few close friends, and a few coworkers that I hang out with outside of work, and I'm satisfied with that.
I definitely feel like Covid has made it more difficult to meet people though. I used to go to Meetup or international exchange events, but those are all canceled now..
I totally understand. I think the only people I've ever met that wanted to hang out were people wanting to learn English from me. Unfortunately, they were not really true friends and they often would move to another place and we'd lose touch.
I know how you feel. I too find it really difficult to make real friends. There are loads of people that know me and will talk with me, but it's never more than superficial. I'm not completely sure why, but I feel that mostly people that I really enjoy their company are simply too busy with work. It's a real work culture here. Every time I suggest doing something they are unable because of work. The other part is my lack of proper Japanese speaking skills. I've tried, but I lost motivation several years ago. I do have one good friend but he is a foreigner like me and we do have time to spend together occasionally. I would suggest picking up an activity that involves people. I play volleyball and although I don't have close friends, most of my regular friends are from there. Good luck with your friend search!
The longer I live here and the older I get, the harder I feel it has become to make Japanese friends. I have two friends who I met while I was in my own country who I am still in contact with today but I find that all the people that I have met during my time in Japan have moved on or we'll fallen out of touch. I'm not particularly girly and I'm no longer the clubbing and drinking type either. I can speak conversational Japanese but I do feel like I have to be careful with what I say because I find the language restricting in some way. It would be nice to make some local friends who are Japanese but I don't know if I feel hopeful.