I just started a new job and they have this rule where we don’t talk about our personal life. It’s a little weird, I don’t know what is personal and not personal life. We are a small office of only about 8 people, but it’s just so hard to have relationships with people when you can’t talk about what I did over the weekend, etc. Does anyone have any experience with this? We are mixed foreigners and Japanese.
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I've been working in what the Japanese call an international preschool for about 20 years now and this rule exists here as well although not as enforced as it was about 15 years ago. It is silly rule although when there are co-workers who cannot do their job due to talking too much, I can see the validity to the rule. I think that it's important to communicate with co-workers because communication is what we as humans do and need!!!
I work now in a local government office. There is no rule about not talking about personal matters. It isn't considered appropriate to talk incessantly about personal things, but that is completely appropriate–we're there to work, after all. I don't think that this is as much a cultural matter as merely the result of how a particular owner/manager functions. I've worked in hundreds of work environments since my first working environments during high school. I've worked as a consultant for most of my working life, so I've not only worked in my own offices but in the offices of clients. I think that the idea that talking about personal matters at work is a no-no is as common internationally as in Japan. It is just an ultra-conservative extreme.
I do believe that for many Japanese, it is difficult to talk about personal matters openly. This is especially true early in any relationship. But after 35 years here, I have had hundreds of intimate relationships with Japanese people, including former co-workers and clients. I'm a very open and open-minded person, which helps. It also helps that I'm pretty fluent in Japanese. But I found it easy to make friends early in my Japanese career and I still make friends easily in new environments.
You just need to find your own medium. You need to build trust and understanding. If you do, then I think that you will find Japanese to be as open and personal as anyone from your own country.
Wow I'd find it difficult too not too share personal info with coworkers... Like you can't talk with them besides business related things? Maybe some ppl feel comfortable with this setting but I'd find it very stressful.
Let me ask you is your new job/company owned by a Japanese person? If the answer is yes then that is the reason why it’ s draconian!